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MY STORY .... very long!!! OK! I am 17 years old....and so far this year of my life has been the hardest! I will tell you all why! At the age of mid 15 I got what i thought was a common cold........but as time progressed it didnt go away! I dealt with it! Well as mid 16 came around i was still sick and very much frustrated.....not to mention I was starting to get worse! The whole time i never wanted to get checked out because i had this very strong phobia of doctors (my mom has a slew of problems and i blamed doctors)! Well 17 came around and the girl i was with started to distance from me....i never wanted to do anything because i was sick! I was in utter love with her(or LOL so i so youngly thought) but i let her go because i had to focus on me! Well my birthday is March 19th and for the next two months i was falling in health! I was in misery! As May rolled around i was almost a walking vegetable! I had missed half my junior year and i was failing as a reprecussion...i was sick and stressed! I couldnt breathe and my body was swelling! I knew not what was wrong with me! May 15th came and when i woke up struggling to breathe (i was getting used to that...and very very sick of it)....I started to think about a release! I no longer saw any beauty in life! I wanted to disappear! I wasnt going to do anything but i begged GOD to take me! I was ashamed i was thinking like that but was in so much pain! Well the next day I woke up to my normal gasping for air! The thought reinvoked! But i got up and started my day! ZBut then i had this extreme upper stomach pain that literally made me keel over to the ground! After i recovered...I made my way to the stairs....which seemed like the biggest task of my life! It took me a 1/2 hour to get up them and the whole time i was gasping! When i reached the top of the 14 some odd stairs i turned towards my mothers room! I walked in and had to take a few minutes to catch my breath! My mom woke up and assisted me to breathe by encouraging me to calm down! When i regained my ability to talk (which was a struggle) I told her i wanted to go into the hospital! Ill never forget how much her eyes bulged! She knew my phobia and the mere fact i wanted to look at a hospital immediately opened her eyes to soemthign serious! The reason she and my pops didnt realize the true problem of such longevity of sickness was because my mom had been dealing with other medical things...and my father was working his *** off! I told my mom about my wish to such disappear! That was so hard for me! My dad was there too and i remember him crying and being so ashmed that he hadn't noticed the extremenss of my sickness! So my mom called my local health care place and i went in for a check up. I had been seeing a physician all along but was not really listening to them because i knew they were always diagnosing me wrong! They went along with the fact that it was a cold and that i had asthma....they were so wrong! I dont and never have had asthma! Well when i went to the docs that day my mom issisted i see her physician who was and thank god is a helluva doctor! She scheduled me for an ekg which is a small ultrsound slash external reading of the heart! When she got the results i demanded i be put in a hospital ( i live out ina small country town)! She isntantely agreed! She was great and set me up for a room! I left for home and got some clothes and stuff so that I could have stuff for the hospital! When i got to the hospital in worcester mass (you might have heard of it when 6 firemen died......I was very much a part of that area) I went into my room! Room number 622! Because it was late i slept that night while doctors did small test on me! Well the next day i was woken at 4:30 in the morning and all day until 9:45 at night i had test done on me! The next day would be the same as well as a consultation for a cardiologist! Which i knew was a heart doctor but that was all i knew! Well when he came he was very friendly...and still is cause hes a great guy! He had such good manner and comforted me in the hospital...dont forget i hated hospitals! Then he asked me to sit down and i started to get a little worried! He was very good about explaining! Too good! He told me they found that i had a life threatening disease and that i was in danger. My body had filled with fluid because the heart wouldnt pump right (by the way my serious heart disease is called DIOLATED CARDIOMYOPATHY.). I immediately was better hearing that! It was so ironic! I had been told i was in danger and i was ok...that was because i felt liek god was carrying me (sorry to all those poeple who arent religious...i respect all religions)....my mom on the other hand was terrified and it was my job to comfort her! I was put on meds and i started to get better! I was doing awesome and i was home for about 2 months! Well i started to get sick again and found out i had an obstruction from my throat to my nose cause it to be hard to breathe and sleep at nightZ! I went 2.5 months with only about 8hours of sleep! Well i met a new doctor who told me i needed a tracheotomy! Thats a whole in the throat. Well i needed sleep and i now trusted doctors and liked hospitals....so i agreed to it! I now have a trach and it ***** ***! But i am so happy to be alive! Life is so beautiful...and i have the right to say that! I almost lost my life and i now see beauty in EVERYthing! Dont take anything for granted! Even though i have struggled will struglle and do struggle,,,,,I am fine! Celebrate life! Seriously! Im not afriad to share my love for god but i never would want to make anyone uncomfortable! Initially i am a catholic....but i do not do the whole church or scriptures thing.....i just love god. I feel him in my heart...and its because of him the new england patriots advanced further into the playoffs last night!....sorry i really had to add that! I have had lots to deal with in life...but i want to be remembered for how i lived not how i died! Also....my friend lost his dad about 2 months ago to a rapid cancer....and when he died my friend made me so proud! He knew his dad was better in resting and he let him go! It was so beautiful! Right before his pops died i said to him......"listen man i have experienced so much strife and i am elligible to tell you this,....We dont live to die....we live to live!" I think that helped prepare him! I count my blessings everyday! I funk up alot but i also just manage and always have the intent to do right! God has seen me fit for his love.....which even though no one is exempt its still huge! Brave?...........I dont like to admit it......but hell yeah! I almost died when i was last in the hospital! With a trach you have to suction fluid out....its hella nasty but its a must! Well i hadnt done it in a while and i coughed....and i blocked up! There was this wholle ten minute long emergency procedure. I stopped breathing for 6 minutes...but the whole time stayed conscious and did all i could toremain calm! They all said that was brave! Once again i was just surviving. If i have achieved anything with these long posts...its been hopefully that you all will question everything...remain inquisitive and always be good at heart! Earn the right to have people unconditionally love you! Peace out everybody!!!
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